Sunday, January 13, 2008

Unanswered Questions

When we traveled to Ethiopia to get Molly, we had the chance to meet her birth mother. It was an incredible, emotional experience, and I feel like I did it all wrong. There are so many things I wish I'd said to her, and asked her about Fanaye, but I was too caught up and overwhelmed by the enormity of the whole thing.

Since we've been back, I think about Fanaye's birth mother all the time. I know she must be thinking about her baby, and wondering if she's ok. Our agency, Children's Home Society, has a program that allows us to keep communication with her family in Ethiopia. We can send picture and letters, and hopefully, get letters back. So I spent this morning writing a letter to Fanaye's birth mother. But what do you say?

How can I express my gratitude for the gift that she gave us? As I type this, Molly is asleep on my chest in her mai tai, completely sweaty and sweet, lovely and perfect. How do I convey that to her birth mom? How can I adequately tell her how smart and gorgeous her daughter is? what a funny little person she is? How she makes all of our lives better? And if I try, will that just make her sad? will it just underscore a tragic situation? Will I be making things worse?

I have questions, too, that I forgot to ask, which I think will be important for Molly Fanaye as she grows. I have no idea if they're appropriate, but I'm asking them anyway.

Yikes.

1 comment:

Michele Wolaver said...

Liza-

Just saw that you have a blog... when I read the latest forum thread. How incredibly ironic that you just posted this topic of "unanswered questions" given the most recent change in "laws" on birthparent contact. I am saddened by this as well.

I am looking forward to seeing more pictures of your family... and also to keeping in touch as our little ones grow.

BTW: As a speech therapist, I have no worries about Molly's current vocabulary. She is doing great! And far surpassing Mehandis :)

Michele